For the full immersive experience (~23 minutes), click play on the song above to listen to the live-recorded wedding music featuring ✨Wave Flower Band✨ while you view this newsletter.
If you just want to look at the photos, you can click play above to have just the final song, Double Happiness, soundtrack the experience!
In my classroom, we begin most lessons with a “grounding quote” - wise words to center the learning for the day. In her foundational book Braiding Sweetgrass, Indigenous author and biologist, Robin Wall Kimmerer, writes that “all flourishing is mutual.” When we shine and thrive, we create the conditions for others to do the same. These words became a guide to Michael and me as we planned the details of our wedding. We wanted our commitment to one another to be nestled in the thriving of our community and to use the potency of such a special day to envision and manifest the world we want to leave for our children, and their children, and so on.
Call me a cliché, but I’ve been dreaming about my wedding since I was a little girl (which you might have guessed reading my ten thousandth wedding-related newsletter, hehe). All throughout my 20s, my favorite comfort veg out pastime was looking at strangers’ wedding photos online. So, in this global moment of unimaginable darkness, I’m shining a light and going ALL OUT with this newsletter. My goal here is to simultaneously create a diary for our (future) family, provide a detailed account of the wedding for loved ones who couldn’t be present, and to pay forward the generosity of the many, many strangers who posted their wedding pics for my viewing pleasure.
This newsletter will be long, indulgent, sappy, and romantic. Take your time and enjoy! Sending lots of love <3
*all photos by our wonderful photographer, Chris Cearnal at 27 Wonders Photography, unless otherwise noted*
After three months of barely any rain on the Washington coast, we awoke on the first full day of fall to a moody, gray downpour. I’d spent the year praying for sun on our wedding day, so was surprised by how quickly I accepted this sudden shift in the weather. It ended up raining a full inch on the morning of our wedding, as we made our way up the foggy Peninsula to launch the day’s set-up.
By 9:30am, the festivities had begun. Michael led the 17-person Wave Flower Band in their first and only full-band rehearsal in the Oysterville Church, while I led the set-up of the reception area at the schoolhouse just around the corner.
I love community organizing and have experienced how working together toward a common goal is a powerful way to build community and belonging. We also could not have put on this wedding without the efforts of our loved ones. More than two-thirds of our guests volunteered on one of our “wedding crews” and even more than that contributed in big and small ways. Here I am holding the gorgeous flag that Marilee and Emilia made. Inside a circled “all flourishing is mutual” is Michael’s last name (Yun) written in traditional Chinese (translated by Zoey) and my last name (Kassouf) written in Arabic. “Yun” means “cloud” in Chinese, and “Kassouf” means “eclipse.”
Our wedding dance party took place in the one-room historic Oysterville Schoolhouse. The schoolhouse has memory boxes that commemorate the “history of Oysterville,” though this “history” highlights only the white, colonial history of the town - with no mention of the Indigenous people who lived here since time immemorial. So the wonderful set-up crew got to work, using posters and murals created by my former students, to transform the school house into a radical classroom that honored the Chinook and imagined a more just and equitable future.
The set up crew beautifully laid out the tent - scattering tables with jenga, mad libs, uno, coloring pencils and pages, flowers, candlesticks and more. Behind Flip, you can see the Peace Speaker getting ready to rise. Huge shout out to Tommy Yasuhara for creating, bringing, and setting up this 12-foot-tall masterpiece!
I’ve noticed that since the pandemic, I have a harder time knowing what to say when I meet new people. So, to ease some of this social anxiety, and to facilitate deeper conversation and new connections, each drink glass had its own “get to know you” question written on the tag. I tried to tailor each question to the kind of conversations that person might like to have. So instead of “what do you do?” or “how do you know Mike and Suzie?” guests could start conversations with questions like “what do you value in a friend?,” “describe someone who makes you laugh,” or “what’s cutest: puppy, kitten, or baby?”.
I couldn’t believe how smoothly the set-up was running! After the band rehearsal, Shawn migrated to the schoolhouse and began DJing the rest of the morning - really creating a party vibe as we worked to birth this year-long(/life-long) vision into reality.
By noon, my mom and I were headed back to sou’wester to begin getting dressed for the ceremony.
Before Michael and I split up to “get ready” with different groups of friends, I painted his thumbnails. To honor the equinox, I brought in elements of the sun to my costume, and Michael those of the moon. In line with our personalities, my sun decor was loud and extravagant, while Michael’s details were subtle and refined. Our friend, Alison Jean Cole, gifted us the most beautiful moon-inspired bolo made from a rock that Michael had found for me during a work trip in Alaska. She told us this rock was likely more than two hundred million years old and probably originated somewhere near the equator.
Michael and I chose to share our personal vows in private. We’d planned to say them on the beach on the way to the ceremony, but since the rain was still pounding, we decided to do this little ritual in the bridal suite at sou’wester. It ended up feeling like the perfect container for this intimate and special moment. Our photographer stayed for our “first look” but left us alone for our vows.
For months, I had been obsessively searching for a school bus that could shuttle guests up and down the Long Beach Peninsula from Sou’wester to Oysterville. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I ran into at least 50 different dead ends on this mission. Finally, just weeks before the wedding - our friend Liz, who lives in Astoria, secured us the connection we needed for this final detail. Thank you, Liz!!!
Guests arrived to the drone of violins, wind instruments, singing bowls, kochi chimes, bells, and bird calls beautifully orchestrated by our Wave Flower Band.
As Michael and I drove the Volvo to Oysterville, the windshield wipers were wheezing at top speed. Even after living in Portland for 8 years, I couldn’t remember ever seeing so much rain.
But, magically, just as Holly and Tyler were running to the schoolhouse to help me secure my sun crown, the downpour stopped and we didn’t feel another drop for the rest of the day.
I arrived to the church just as Misty and Betty were playing the beautiful paean, Warp and Weft, that Misty wrote for our wedding day.
North South
East West
earth air
foundBound threads
of our matter
rest your head
walk with meStars above
light unbound
warp and weft
eternallySun moon
sky water
woven of
our peaceGolden threads
warp and weft
a station of light
a place to restNorth South
East West
warp and weft
walk with me// “Warp and Weft” by Misty Mary
(beautiful paean available below, but if you’re already listening to the wedding music, it will come up soon, so stick with your current soundtrack!)
Once Misty wove her final lyrics through the church, Ben began strumming one of the 5 prepared guitars (each strung with the same string, tuned to a single note), and was soon joined by the rest of the guitars, violins, chord organs, saxophone, flute, bells, and drums of our 17-person Wave Flower Band, swelling into the final semi-improvised symphony, Double Happiness. A few minutes before the chord organs led the second chorus, Michael’s niece, Penny, scattered flowers down the "aisle.”
(Double Happiness available below, but if you’re already listening to the wedding music, it will come up at the end, so stick with your current soundtrack!)
I think my favorite wedding memory is walking into the church after almost half an hour of musical buildup - as Double Happiness soared to its peak - to the delighted expressions, cheers, and applause of our loved ones. I hope I never forget this moment.
Once we got to the stage, and the music and applause drew to a close, Ben guided us into a space of grounding and intention with the Invocation of Love and Togetherness. He offered reflections on our choice to get married on the equinox, and the balance Michael and I bring to each other’s lives. He invited us to connect to our breath, to space, to this moment - welcoming guests and asking them to reflect on the moments they have spent with us in Community.
If you can, try to remember the first time that you met Michael & Suzanna. For some of you, that means holding them after they were born, perhaps as a teaching co-conspirator, or music partner – whatever it is, center those moments and memories, and understand that we have each been called in by them to witness their joining together as partners in Community.
He then invited Michael and me to take a few moments to look out at our community and see the faces of everyone who had come that day to celebrate our love.
Erin read A Blessing for Wedding by Jane Hirshfield, backdropped by the gorgeous flower arrangement she’d designed and assembled as lead of the flower crew.
Today when persimmons ripen
Today when fox-kits come out of their den into snow
Today when the spotted egg releases its wren song
Today when the maple sets down its red leaves
Today when windows keep their promise to open
Today when fire keeps its promise to warm
Today when someone you love has died
or someone you never met has died
Today when someone you love has been born
or someone you will not meet has been born
Today when rain leaps to the waiting of roots in their dryness
Today when starlight bends to the roofs of the hungry and tired
Today when someone sits long inside his last sorrow
Today when someone steps into the heat of her first embrace
Today, let this light bless you
With these friends let it bless you
With snow-scent and lavender bless you
Let the vow of this day keep itself wildly and wholly
Spoken and silent, surprise you inside your ears
Sleeping and waking, unfold itself inside your eyes
Let its fierceness and tenderness hold you
Let its vastness be undisguised in all your days
Michael and I joined hands for our public set of vows. Alongside promises to share each other’s dreams, laughter, and trust, we acknowledged that we will make each other angry, will burden one another, and will cause each other pain. It’s through these very challenges that I pray our love will grow throughout our lives.
Ben invited my “crown maidens” to the stage to help me take off my sun crown to prepare for the Stefana blessing.
Because Michael and I are not religious, we, along with our dear friend Danielle (who led the ritual), chose to take inspiration from the Stefana, but make it our own. Though the Stefana blessing is a Greek Orthodox tradition, like many other Christian rituals, it originated in ancient times. While today’s Stefana crowns are often made of silver or gold, they were originally made from plants that held special spiritual significance. Our crowns incorporated plants from these ancient Stefanas, and were made of olive branches (symbolizing peace and friendship), grape vines (prosperity, abundance, and pleasure), asparagus (fertility), fig leaf (perseverance), along with flowers and plants from our garden (to symbolize the home we build together and share with our community).
Last year in my 9th Grade Inquiry class, students each wrote a story about a place that was sacred or special to them. While kids shared their final drafts in our circle, we all took notes on what we loved about each story.
During one of the many “wedding craft nights,” my friends and I used these sacred note-sheets to make paper cones, that we filled with flower petals I had saved during our engagement year. Each guest had a cone, and each cone was wrapped in a lace ribbon.
Greek Stefana crowns are joined together by a ribbon, uniting the couple as one unit. Our crowns, however, began as separate entities.
Once Dani explained the significance of the plants, my dear friend, Anna, and Michael’s cousin, Jim, secured our crowns while Dani shared, “Now Suzanna and Michael each wear a beautiful unique crown, symbolizing their independence and autonomy, which they honor and celebrate in each other. But the Stefana is not complete until the crowns are tied together.”
Part of Michael’s ancestry is Scottish, so we took inspiration from the Scottish wedding tradition of handfasting for this next part of the ritual.
Dani invited the congregation to remove the ribbons from their flower cones and to tie them to the ribbons of the guests to their left and right, weaving an elaborate pattern through the crowd that would unite my crown with Michael’s.
Thanks to some truly extraordinary pre-planning by Anna, Dani, and Jim, I was shocked by how smoothly our loved ones pulled this off!
My Greek dad, Haris, ended up being the one to tie the Community ribbon to my crown.
Dani invited everyone to send their love and wishes to us through the united ribbon as she anointed us with one final blessing.
As the Asparagus pushes up through thorns and dirt towards the sunlight each Spring, may your love overcome hardships to seek the Light. As the resilient Fig endures to produce sweet fruit, may your love continue to grow and thrive through the years. As the Grape vine sends down roots that nourish a joyful harvest generation after generation, may your love nurture an everlasting joy. May the serenity and richness of the Olive tree remind you that you are always a safe space for one another. And may your connection with the Divine which you find in the great and small moments of life, beneath loving branches, and in the faces of friends, light your way for years to come.
Michael and I know that no marriage exists in a vacuum, and in order for our love to flourish and sustain, we need the support of our community. I’ve always felt that a wedding is more than a commitment between partners, but also a promise from Community to hold the pair in this sacred bond. So, united by the Stefana, I led the congregation in taking a Community Vow.
With one final set of vows, Ben guided us through the exchange of rings, my heart as full as I could possibly imagine.
And then read one final poem, written by the Persian poet Hafez in the 12th century:
It happens all the time in heaven,
And some day
It will begin to happen
Again on earth -
That men and women who are married,
And men and men who are
Lovers,
And women and women
Who give each other
Light,
Often get down on their knees
And while so tenderly
Holding their lovers hand,
With tears in their eyes
Will sincerely speak, saying,
My dear,
How can I be more loving to you;
How can I be more kind?"
And then he pronounced us MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
🌼🌸❀✿🌷And everyone threw their flowers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🌼🌸❀✿🌷
Behind the 12-foot-tall Peace Speaker, DJ Tender Void (Carlyn Wutkee!!) was DJing an incredible vinyl set!!!! I can’t believe we have no pictures of it. Thank you, Carlyn!!!!
Make the following picture bigger and read the chalk board on the right to learn about our “prayer balloons.”
Get ready for my first outfit change!!!
Here’s one of my favorite stories that I heard the next day.
Because it had been raining so hard all morning, the ground between the schoolhouse and tent was getting dangerously muddy. Michael found a store on the peninsula that sold bails of hay, but the band had taken the van and trailer - rushing to the church to arrive before the wedding guests. At our request, they stopped at the garden store amidst the chaos. The store clerk, however, did not feel the same sense of urgency and told the band to wait while he patiently assisted another customer. Running out of time, the “wavies” defied the clerk - tossing money on the counter and grabbing a few bails, while the clerk yelled at them to stop, before rushing to the church. Thank you, wavies!! You saved the day!!!
Erin, Elle, David, Marge, and Sara (aka “The Blaunts”) gave a group speech, each sharing their unique reflections and blessings. I’m so grateful to be part of this little chosen family. <3
Suz read Change Sings, a poem from a children’s book written by Amanda Gorman and illustrated by Loren Long.
John gave the most heart-warming ode of love and friendship to Michael <3 One of my favorite parts was when he spoke about Michael as the perfect role model for his newborn son.
And my mom delivered a truly perfect wedding speech, where she shared this line from Kahlil Gibran, “Love one another but make not a bond of love. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.”
Michael and I closed the toasts with a list of gratitudes for the many, many, MANY loved ones who contributed to making the day possible.
Then we (and several of our buds!) changed outfits to kick off the dance party! Our “first dance” was to A Higher Power by Jonathan Richman and we invited the whole wedding to join us for it.
Last outfit change for the bouquet toss!!! Hehehe. Weddings are THEATER, people!!!
I’m so grateful to Lymay for this film shot of our last dance to “Nobody Sees Me Like You Do” by Yoko Ono.
We caught the last school bus shuttle back to the Sou’ with tupperwares of leftovers and a couple dozen friends, ate cake with our hands, and sang “oh mothers, let’s go down, let’s go down, come on down! oh, mothers let’s go down, down to the river to pray.” I leaned against Michael in the faded gray pleather seat as the bus glided down the starry Long Beach Peninsula, the Pacific Ocean embracing from both east and west, and felt truly home.
To the infinite web of life and spirit that brought me to that moment, with my whole heart: thank you.
Much love, everybody. <3 Thank you for being here.
xo,
Suzanna
p.s.
Here is Chris’s INCREDIBLE Super 8 wedding video: